How to Choose a Wedding Dress: 9 Steps from a Designer Who Photographs Brides

Step 1

Start with your wedding, not the dress

Most brides begin with pictures of dresses. I ask them to begin with pictures of the place. The same dress that is perfect in a Milan palazzo in December can be wrong in a garden on Lake Como in July.

Before your first appointment, answer five questions:

• Where do you marry? A villa garden, a church, a city hall, a beach, a terrace over the water.
• In which season, and at what time of day? Heat, wind and the evening cold all change the dress.
• What will you walk on? Gravel paths, stone steps, grass, the deck of a boat.
• How long will you wear it? Four hours is very different from fourteen.
• How do you want to feel? Write three words, for example free, elegant, light. Every dress you try should answer them.

On Lake Como the Breva wind rises almost every afternoon. A light silk dress turns it into movement. A heavy gown with a long train turns it into work. If you marry on the lake, read my guide to choosing a Lake Como wedding dress, with villa gardens, boats and piers.

Step 2

Set your timeline and budget

Start looking 9 to 12 months before your wedding. It sounds early, but most of that time belongs to the dress, not to you. A bridal shop usually needs four to six months to order a gown, and then several weeks for alterations. A made-to-measure dress needs time for the pattern, the cutting and the fittings.

Decide your full budget before you try anything on, and say it at the start of the first appointment. The dress is rarely the only cost: there are alterations, the veil, shoes, lingerie, steaming and, for a destination wedding, the journey of the dress itself. Ask what is included before you say yes. And don't try on dresses above your budget. Once you have worn one, every other dress feels like a compromise.

Ready-made, made to measure or bespoke?

In my atelier, a made-to-measure silk wedding dress begins at €3,900, with two fittings and all alterations included.

Step 3

Choose the fabric before the style

Many brides choose a shape and then accept whatever fabric it comes in. I do the opposite. The fabric decides how the dress moves, how it feels at 30 degrees, how it travels in a suitcase and how it holds the light in your photographs.

Why natural fibres matter

Silk breathes. A polyester satin can look beautiful on the hanger and feel like plastic after three hours in the sun. If you marry in summer, ask what the dress is made of, and touch the inside, not only the outside.

Silk is also kinder to the camera. It takes the light softly, while many synthetics flash white and lose their detail.

For FRAQAIR dresses I use silk woven in Como, about thirty minutes from the lake.

Step 4

Find your silhouette

The silhouette is the shape of the dress from the shoulders to the hem. Try each main shape at least once, even the ones you are sure you won't like. Many brides fall in love with the one they almost skipped.

How to choose for your body shape

I don't believe in rules about pears and apples. Look at three things instead: where you want the eye to go, where you want room to breathe, and how much structure you like to feel.

• To define your waist, try an A-line or a fit-and-flare.
• To look taller, try a column, a V neckline or a high slit.
• If you need support, ask for a structured bodice inside, even in a light dress.
• If you plan to dance until two in the morning, choose a skirt you can walk in without holding it.

Step 5

Choose the neckline, the back and the details

Most portraits are taken from the waist up, so the neckline frames your face in almost every photograph. A V neckline lengthens the neck. A square neckline is calm and graphic. A sweetheart softens. Straps let you hug, lift your arms and dance without thinking about the dress. A strapless dress must fit perfectly, or you will pull it up all evening, and it will show in the photographs.

Then turn around. During the ceremony your guests see your back far more than your face. A beautiful back is not a detail.

Last, come close. Handmade details are what your photographer will move in for: buttons, embroidery, a silk flower. Choose fewer details, made better.

Step 6

Choose your white

White is not one colour. In bridal there are three main families:

To check, hold the fabric next to your face in daylight, by a window. Then photograph it with your phone, with no filter. The camera is honest. I make my dresses in true ivory, because it stays clean in the strong Italian sun and soft in the evening light.

Step 7

Look at it through the camera

This is the step most guides forget, and the one I care about most. You will wear your dress for one day, and you will look at the photographs for the rest of your life.

This is what I see through the lens:

• Light fabric glows when the sun is behind you.
• A stiff bodice gapes when you lift your arms to hug someone.
• Shiny synthetic fabric turns white in direct sun and loses its detail.
• Too many elements fight each other. Lace, beading, ruffles and a long veil together look like noise in a wide shot.

Step 8

Test it in movement

In a fitting room you stand on a platform in front of a mirror. On your wedding day you will walk, sit, hug, climb steps, eat and dance. Test all of it before you decide:

• Walk ten steps, first fast, then slowly.
• Sit down on a chair, and stand up without help.
• Lift both arms, as if you were hugging someone taller than you.
• Turn around once, as in your first dance.
• Climb a step, holding the skirt with one hand.
• Breathe in deeply, and laugh.

If you think about the dress during any of these, it is not your dress yet. The right dress lets you forget it and live your day.

Step 9

Plan the fittings and the journey

Bring the shoes and the lingerie you will wear on the day from the very first fitting, because the height of the heel changes the hem. Bring one person whose eye you trust. At FRAQAIR there are two fittings, and all alterations are included.

If you marry far from home, plan the journey of the dress as carefully as your own:

• Never check your dress in the hold. Carry it with you in its garment bag, and ask your airline before you fly how they can store it in the cabin.
• Silk chiffon packs light and lets its creases go with steam. Never iron chiffon or lace directly.
• Book steaming with your hotel or your planner for the day before the wedding.
• Ask for a bustle or a wrist loop if your dress has a train, so you can dance.

On the morning of the wedding, wear something soft that opens at the front, so nothing touches your hair and makeup when you change. Many brides choose a silk robe for this, and it makes some of the most beautiful photographs of the day.

How do you know it is the one?

Brides often wait for the moment they cry. Some do, many don't. These signs are more reliable:

• You stop looking at the dress and start looking at yourself.
• You can imagine the whole day in it, from the morning to the last dance.
• You want to change only small things, like the hem or a strap.
• You stop comparing it with the dresses you saw before.

If you are torn between two dresses, choose the one you felt most like yourself in, not the one that got more compliments.

Mistakes to avoid

• Bringing too many opinions. Two or three people you trust are enough.
• Choosing for the hanger and the mirror instead of the day.
• Forgetting the climate: heavy fabric in August, bare shoulders in a cold church.
• Leaving it too late, and then choosing in a hurry.
• Ordering a size for the body you plan to have. Choose for your body as it is today; the fittings take care of the rest.
• Buying the veil, shoes and jewellery before the dress.

Questions brides ask me